For HKD 1900, I could go home to Nanjing for the weekend.

I have just realized that there is not real place I call home. Wizard of Oz echoed through this vast cavern of consciousness (ok, perhaps less than vast, but it sound good with cavern correct?). There's no place like home. Where is home? Nanjing? I sleep very well there. And eat even better. But is it really home? I'm coddled and cuddled. I make extreme efforts to be nice. I feel guilty when alone doing my own thing, thinking that I need to make the most of this time to keep my grandparents company. Home?

Lie on your bed, just as if you haven't left? No longer quite possible, the place is renovated. The dusty old window frames with the cloudy glass that I used to see every morning are now aluminum frames. It's nicer. . . and easier to clean. But, you know, sometimes, in parts of the world, when I wake up and see the morning glow shining through some cloudy, dusty window framed by thick black frames, it's as if I'm back in my childhood again, and for a moment, I feel safe and utterly content.

Isn't it funny childhood memories? We feel so good when wrapped up in them. I went to Malaysia and ate 山楂片 (Haw Flakes). Didn't even really like them when young. But somehow, they stick more than the 大白兔，or the 旺旺雪并。 I'm sure you got more per packet back then, but then, it is still as cheap as it was before. One other thing I yearn for is the 罗伯斯并 from the roadside after mum picked me up from kindergarten, with that woman. I barely remember her face now, but I definitely recall the spoon, the flour mix and how the thing magically appeared in the shape of the spoon after deep frying. I also miss the 茶叶蛋 from the old woman outside the children's hospital, after my many trips there due to fever, excessive coughing etc. Immune system still sh*tty though. Have diahorreal illness from Malaysia.

Is that home? I suppose I am nearing the age where I should really start thinking about creating my own home. Frightful thought, but to not think about is to only delay reality. I'm no Peter Pan. I can't be a kid forever. Haha, it's funny isn't it? Everything that our innocent childhood stories that we love so dearly tell us about the big bad world? Delay adulthood, be a child forever. Ah, there is a reason why that is called fantasy.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, awwww......I should re-read some of the Roald Dahl, I reckon I'll understand so much more now, anyway, the part where Grandpa lives Charlie's fantasy with him. That's it isn't it? We lose our childhoods, then, when we are old with grandchildren, we get a chance to regain it, through them. That is why all grandparents spoil their grandkids. Ok, not all, but the ones that get it do.

As far as my own childhood goes, actually, sadly, personally, I consider it to be pretty much over once I left Nanjing. But then what was in between???? Extended adolescence? Perhaps. It was just not the same once we left. At least I had almost 7 years of nice memories to draw on. Plus bits and pieces here and there. Not the best, but then definitely not the worst. That which does not kill us will make us stronger I guess.

Sigh, now I'm off to attempt to be more of an adult.

People

Some people in life, just have mastered the art of making others feel like they are close to them. When in fact they are not. Some have the knack of making others feel that they are distant. Even though they are close.

The former reaches and he receives. The latter is always wondering why he always makes such distant friends.

New insights on friendships. But contrarily, closeness may be more easily achieved by the distant one. Well, at least one can always tell the close ones from the distant.

We each live our lives to the best of our ability, to suit the best of our intentions.

Really need to blog.

Just went to one of the halls accross the road for the first time since I got here. There is stuff piled all over the corridors, there are people walking up and down the place, they're all really together. Like their own little club. I felt a little foreign. Ok, I felt really foreign. Just like at the canteen by myself. Noone talks to me, and I just eat by myself...it was really terrible. Actually, that is the first time that I have eaten by myself while here. After that, I met some exchange students and it was all good. 

I don't understand this. From a logical point of view, we come from basically most of the points of the globe, but we are actually really together. Separated by interests of course. 

Almost all the girls are going out tonight for ladies night (free drinks). I really wanna go, but I'm making this sacrifice for Macau, and my grades. I am no a B student (once again). My grades cannot suffer because I have already fallen behind on the second week. 

I bought a HP 12C!!!!!!! The ultimate finance geek calculator. It is super awesome. I love how you have to read the manual just to figure out how to add 1+1 on it. It feels really good too. I also have some mooncakes that I am thinking of inviting everyone over to eat tomorrow. Some facebook action? Ok, maybe on Monday, when I'm back from Macau. 

Oh yea, Macau this weekend!!!!! Love it!!!! Booked my Cirque du Solei tickets and the seats are pretty good! Sadly, I can't afford to gamble, but at least I will be legally allowed to gamble there! I checked it out, foreigners are allowed to gamble at 18 and locals at 20 (nice government huh? Looks after the youth of Macau). I am now officially a foreigner. It feels so weird. I am now officially an exchange student. This is definitely not my country. The mainlanders, as many of us as there are, are definitely not really a totally accepted part of the demography. I can't say how, but just the people that kind of snob you, the looks....I mean, I get some treatment for knowing how to speak almost perfect english. Marking me out as a Hai Gui (Sea turtle). I just haven't assimilated into this culture yet. Because I feel a little alienated outside of this exchange students' hall. The locals speak to you, but they don't really speak  to you. Like in China, about the politics, economics, government. I suppose it's because I was really lucky to get opportunities like that back home. Come to think of it, I didn't get conversations like that in NZ either. Perhaps I should have sought them out more. Like I should here. Some financial news. But how? Maybe joining the finance students' association could be a start. Or the investments club. But they might just provide personal trading information.

Yea, as for my plans to trade on the HK stock exchange, it is totally on hold now. With all the parties, travel opportunities, cantonese learning, homework, it is virtually impossible to concentrate. And I need 24hr access to the internet. Which an Eee PC will provide me with I'm sure. I'll get one next next weekend. Will ask around as to which place would be the cheapest. 

OK, it's set, just got my third invite for ladies' night, I am NOT going drinking. It is a waste of time, I will wake up a little hungover, I will lose concentration in class and also when making my summary notes. I'm saving myself for Macau. I hope the drinks there are not too expensive, but if so, then it should be great! 

COMPUTER!!!!!! You are here!!

I am blogging off my old, gigantic laptop. I am back in love.

Bought Struck and White's Elements of Style yesterday at the HKU bookshop. For like, 80 HKD. So, it is my hope that this investment will pay off and I will become more understandable. The books here are so cheap. But not to the folks back home in the mainland. Now, things there are really cheap. I miss it.

Am so exhausted at the moment. The only thing that is keeping me going is the bit of "midnight snack" that I ate at around 10. It is 12.01am now.

OK, it is not 1:26am. I am still here. Am still surviving on those biscuits and that bun. My room is such a mess, and I need to awaken at 7:30 tomorrow (6 hours later). For I made a really dumb mistake. And it's nice to wake at 7:30 on a Saturday morning anyway.

Apart from the adjustment issues, this place has been great! All I really need now is a camera, and I can go out and explore for real! Hopefully Sunday. Actually, definately Sunday either way.

The classes here are interesting. The locals don't really.....listen. They mostly chatter throughout the class. The mainlanders do though. Really throughly. I probably should make friends with some of them. Get their notes? As opposed to leaning forward and copying them when I have missed something important. But that strategy was very efficient too. Next time, when I go to class, I need to be sure that I sit behind some very young looking girls with notebooks. Pass class...no problem.

Living by myself (well, relatively) has been interesting experience. I really need to get my life in order, but an far too lazy to! Actually, I feel that I need my laptop to get my life in order. So that I can plan my days in advance on my computer, and then upload them onto my cellphone....that's me folks. How will I possibly survive in the wild? Now I understand those guys in the computer centres that smell like they haven't washed in two weeks. Luckily, my roommate is super-neat, so she keeps me in check by setting a great example and disparaging looks at my heap.

I now realise, that my handwriting looks a lot like my room. Messy. Should I just accept that as a part of my personality? It was pre-destined I suppose, and anyway, it doesn't get messier. Just stays this messy.

A complaint that I have heard a lot is that the local students don't really interact much with us. But in actual halls and if you can speak Cantonese, it is apparently a real bonus.

I have sadly, been asleep in a lot of classes lately. Actually, I fall asleep in all my classes, even the ones where I really like the lecturer. And the two hour sessions here are seriously tough. Especially if they don't give you a break. I'm dead at one hour mark on the dot. Like clockwork. I need to tune out for five minutes and go off into the land of the sleepy person. Maybe it's because I haven't had coffee these past few days due to laziness. Don't worry, now onwards, it will be different. I have my computer now. Now, I just need to figure out a good printing method. I think I will use the "secret" computer lab next to my lecturers' offices in the KKL building level 7. It is near impossible to get an elevator up and down there, but it's well worth it. I mean, I could always walk the 7 floors. It would be good exercise.

I'm so terrible. I have joined NO clubs. Well, back at Auckland, I joined heaps of clubs. And never went. I think this will be pretty much the same thing here. For some reason. And I haven't checked out the gym facilities yet. I have heard that we need to get a special training session before we can get in, but can't seem to find any information. I should ask about that.

Right now, the most important thing for me is probably to sleep. See y'all later on today!

Back from the Dead

And very frustrated. I can't find my course website. The one for my sole course today that has the assignment that is due on Monday and I don't have a credit card, a student card, nor do I have a computer, nor a camera......at least I have money. That I have trouble accessing....but still. I should look on the bright side of life.

The computer system is screwed up. And I thought nDeva was f*cked up, but dude, you should see this one. You know those Asian news websites with about a million different thing to click on and it looks like ergonomics was (well, in fact is) a foreign concept? Yea, that's our adminstration system.

Nothing is clear. The course material are all online, but google doesn't come up with many hits.

Am now at the HKU library. Where they have some pretty old looking hps. But at least they have more than the 40 or so at the so-called "Computer Centre". That ain't no computer centre baby.

Ok, so the main reason why I'm like this is that I am not used to this climate and my skin has broken out. It's ok. I had around twice the recommended daily dose of cooling tea, plus that chinese herbal medicine stuff. Yea, I think I'll take it easier from now on in case I over do it.

This place has to be the world most maze-like university. You know the Science Building...yea, only it covers the entire uni, and it's on a hill, so there is a height thing to consider.

Maybe I'm just annoyed that I have to go to class now. Oh yea, I also have no textbooks nor exercise books. And you should see the line in the bookstore.

Ok, perhaps my expectations have been let down. I actually previously thought I had none. Ok, another reason why I'm frustrated, is that I really want to get all of the above, but have not done so, due tor stupid reasons like price, convienience, etc. I have missed a lot of opportunity.

Overall, I need to go out and do stuff. I shall go to Mong Kok on Wednesday and just get that camera.

Eastern Love vs. Western Love

Well, for the past few days, I have been watching chick tv shows. And, since they are all about love, I have found that there is a distinct difference between the english speaking ones, and, the chinese dubbed, korean speaking ones. On a side note, Korean and Japanese cultures both embody, in a MUCH fuller form than what China has at the moment, elements of what chinese culture used to be. Korean being the more recent past. This was a part of my museum education by the way. So, if you want to understand traditional Chinese culture, they are probably good places to start. Ironically.

Anyway, what is different, is in the words of a Yao Ming video biographer, that "sweet, lingering eastern love". Versus the brash, brief western version. Let me elaborate a little. In trad. E culture, a girl and a boy is more love at first sight. They are supposed to talk to each other, get to know each other, the boy is expected to do good things for the girl and their family. Gifts, errands etc. The girl on the other hand, is supposed to act shyly, accept gifts grudgingly and be absolutely innocent of the boy's intentions. Well, I'm talking about love, not arranged marriages. This can drag on for YEARS with no action, before they get married. Thereafter, she cooks, breeds and looks after the children, and he goes on with his career, plus some one to cook, clean and breed for him. She then tries to live her life through him and her children. Quote from a movie I saw this morning : " Men conquer women through conquering the world, and women conquer the world through men". It's so....waste of time. Inefficient even.

Brash western: meet, like ea other, stay together, don't like each other anymore, separate. Split everything down the middle and find a new situation to be in. Maybe in a developed economy, one can afford to do such a thing more. But con: perhaps through years of trials and tribulations, emotions run deeper.

Anyway, I've been meaning to write some long, irrational post about if for ages, but then, after some slow, lingering music that I fell half asleep to, it hit me. We are all looking for the same thing in different ways. Someone to cross that wide, wide ocean with, and through mutual feelings of terror, find comfort. And also for one to catch the other in case we fall.

I've always told myself that no matter whether or not I'm scared, I have to cross it. Being not scared will improve my performance and minimise chances of falling. What is there to be scared about anyway?

What my life might have been:

5.00 Wake up, brush teeth, early pre-reading

6.00 Breakfast, walk to school, tie hair on way there

6.15. Start school.

• No of subjects: 9
• Papers needed to be completed per day: 2-3 per subject
• Time needed for one paper: avg. 30-45 mins
• 9*2.5*37.5=843.75mins ~14 hours
  

12.00 Lunch (one might want to use this opportunity to skip lunch and do a paper)

12.30 Finish lunch

21.00 Class finishes, Night revision

23.30 Let out, go home

00.00 Sleep.

True schedule. In small town boarding (and non-boarding) high school such as my father's old school. With a 95% University entrance rate. This is how it happens folks.

Now I'm scared. But I don't know where to start! Do you really expect me to redo 2 years worth of math? I mean, my cousin's stuff is, I think mostly covered by Math250. But our questions were really easy....unlike hers. What do I do? I'm not a B student!!!! I refuse to be a B student. >:-(